The Holiday Break

This holiday season has been just what I needed. Since it didn't have the best start, it turned out to be a great lesson in letting go. Instead of worrying about how much we needed to get done in a very short time (we got our tree 2 days before Christmas, and didn't even put any decorations up until just a week before!), I decided to let go of any expectations I had and just enjoy the process of doing things, however many we were going to get to.

I'm always someone who enjoys the process just as much, or sometimes even more, than the results, but I realized that I wasn't having the same attitude about the holidays. Thankfully, all it took was taking a moment to let this awareness sink in and to make the decision to change my attitude (once I realized that it was the only actual problem). After that, I enjoyed every day, every activity and every moment so much more.

There was plenty of cooking, eating and decorating, followed by lots of movie (and documentary!) watching, sleeping, and just generally being quiet and taking a break - a real break from the busyness and from the go-go-go rhythm of our lives. 2018 was a big, intense year that pushed and stretched me in so many ways, and I was really feeling the need for such a break.

Just like the last few years before, it was also a year of so much growth for me. To be able to notice and reflect, at the end of it, about how much I have indeed learned and changed (for the better, I'd say) throughout these past 12 months felt really good. Realizing that these lessons helped me enjoy the holiday season more than I have in a long time felt even better, and I'm so looking forward to continuing to learn in this new year too.

Happy 2019!

Encouragement to Self

We talk a lot about how easy it is to compare ourselves to each other these days, and we're aware of its negative effects on us and yet, no matter how hard we try not to, we still end up playing the comparison game from time to time, and feeling inadequate. In this online world especially, it's so easy to go from feeling inspired by someone or something to comparing ourselves and our work or lives with them, and feeling like we fall short.

I was journaling this morning and, as I was writing, I realized I had fallen into this trap yet again. What I thought was worrying about my progress towards my goals because of what I was or wasn't doing, actually turned out to be nothing more that comparing myself to someone whose work I've been following for a while, and who I've been particularly inspired by lately. I was worried because, compared to how much I see her doing, I felt like I was doing practically nothing, and definitely not enough if I wanted to reach my goals too.

As I kept writing and uncovering this thought pattern though, I started to see more clearly, and actually ended my journaling session with some encouraging thoughts for myself. I wanted to share them here too, both for my own benefit, so I can come back to them when I start feeling this way again, and for anyone else who is currently feeling like they are not doing enough.

I'd love to know, do you ever catch yourself playing the comparison game? How do you pull yourself out of it when you realize what's actually happening?

A Season Like No Other

Today is the first day back to my regular routine after the holidays - and what a wonderful break it's been, spent quietly at home with my family. It was all about filling the hours with lots of eating, laughing, movie watching, and couch surfing, without having to rush or stick to any sort of schedule.

There was something different about this holiday season for me. Usually, I would have this inner pressure sitting heavy on my heart, telling me that I haven't done enough, that I've let another year slip by without moving towards my big dreams, and that I have to get really clear on my next steps right away so I can hit the ground running once that calendar on the wall changes, and never let it happen again. This year, however, I didn't feel any of that. Instead, I felt so at peace, and I was so much more immersed into the celebrations, quiet and simple as they may have been.

To be honest, these holidays haven't been picture perfect: a bunch of the dishes that we had been looking forward to making for our celebrations didn't happen, the holidays cards didn't get mailed until three days before Christmas, my desk, which hasn't seen an inch of clear space in months, actually became even more cluttered and, as a literal last bump in the road, we spent a chunk of the last (freezing) morning of the year assessing damage and filling insurance paperwork after a minor car accident; and yet somehow I was able to thoroughly enjoy this break, more than I have in a very long time.

I realized that it wasn't the season itself that was different from the ones of past years, but that the difference was inside of me. I really believe that, through all the work I've had to do on myself, 2016 really changed me and taught me so many precious lessons. It made me stronger, and it showed me what - and who - matters most. Ultimately, it painted the picture of how I want to live my life clearer than I've ever seen it, and I can't help but think how sweet it is to recognize, looking back, that the hardships and struggles of these last 12 months were all for good reason.

Even more, this inner change also allowed me to see December 31st and January 1st for what they actually are, two regular days coming one after the other, no different than the 363/4 other ones in the year in anything besides their potential to offer us a beautiful blank slate to use however we like to slowly create our own masterpiece day after day.

I hope that, whether 2016 was a great or difficult year for you, that you were able to enjoy a holiday season filled with love, laughter, and relaxation, and that you're looking forward to this 2017 that thankfully comes, like all years do, one day at a time.

Back to Books

I think I've mentioned this before, but I've always loved reading. I actually learned how to read from my grandma, before I even went to school. It quickly became one of my favourite pastimes, and it has stayed that way for my entire life so far.

Last year around February though, I realized that I wasn't reading many books anymore - almost any, actually. I had a couple of them started months prior but they were just gathering dust on my nightstand. Sure, I was going through plenty of articles, blogs, and other online content every day, but it didn't feel the same as sitting down with a book, turning page after page, and getting lost in a good story. And I really wanted to change that. Easy to say, but hard to do: with a hectic schedule, where I was rushing everywhere and felt like I didn't even have enough time to sleep as much as I needed to, I wasn't sure how I was going to bring reading back into my life. I was so exhausted most of the time that I didn't think I would be able to successfully add even one additional task to my already-filled-to-the-brim days, no matter how much I enjoyed it.

I knew that, whatever I would come up with to help me get back into reading books had to be really simple. I wanted to set a daily challenge for myself, but I knew that I normally don't do well with them; I almost always abandon them several days (maybe weeks, if I'm really trying) in. So, in addition to being simple, this challenge also had to require as little willpower as possible.

I decided to try this: every single day, I would read one page from a book every night before going to sleep. While reading just one page wouldn't get me too far even in a year, I just wanted to establish a habit of reaching for a book regularly again. Of course, if I felt up to it, I could read many more pages in a sitting, but I knew that reading just one page wouldn't take longer than a few minutes so, no matter how tired I was, I didn't have an excuse not to do it. To make it even simpler, I didn't even care if the next day I remembered what I read, and I gave myself permission to re-read that same page as many times as it took to "make it stick" in my brain.

While in the back of my mind, I still didn't fully trust that I would follow through long-term, I actually surprised myself. While there were some days when I didn't read at all, those days were few and far between. Instead, most days I read several pages, which motivated me even more. Of course, since I read mostly at night, right before going to sleep, there were also several days when I struggled to stay awake for that one page, but I still kept at it for close to a year.

I did eventually stop keeping track of whether I was reading every single day, but not before the challenge fulfilled its purpose. These days, since my schedule is very different from what it was a year ago, I don't always read every day anymore, but I do read regularly, usually for larger chunks of time.

Looking back, I'm so glad I did this. Although it was a very small and simple challenge, it had a big impact on me. For one, it helped me confirm for myself a concept that I learned as a student at IIN and that I use with my health coaching clients: as founder and teacher Joshua Rosenthal explains, if we aren't following through with a goal, that is because the goal just isn't small enough. It doesn't have to do with an inability to follow through or a lack of desire to reach that goal, but rather the goal itself is too big and too overwhelming - it needs to be smaller.

Beyond that, it helped me to think about goals in a different way: start small - so small that you have no excuses to not do it - and then build on from there. It's a great reminder that every big goal is made up of small steps just like this, and I am definitely the kind of person who needs this reminder constantly. So often, what keeps me from going after the things I want is starting, so if I can make that first step as small and non-threatening as possible, I know that I can do so much more of what are now just dreams.

Needless to say, I've been thinking of other areas of my life where I can apply this valuable lesson, but I'd love to know, is there anything you think that it can help you with as well? Is there any aspect of your life where you really need to start small if you are going to make any progress at all?

Lucky Girl

Last week, I watched the first episode of Red Band Society, one of the new fall shows. Though it's not the type of show that this borderline hypochondriac generally watches, I thought it was an interesting beginning. Beyond the storyline and the characters, there was one thing, one line, that really stuck with me. Even now, more than a week later, it still pops in my mind on multiple occasions every day, and it seems to gain more meaning each time I give it more thought.

It's easy to become aware of our luck when something good happens, but so often, it's much more important to realize that we're lucky during the tougher times. Every bad day that we leave behind, every challenge and every struggle - however big or small - that we're faced with and overcome, they're all examples of the luck we're blessed to have. It's in these moments that we forget to remember how lucky we are, but it's in these moments that we need to the most. I know because that's what I've been doing for the past couple of years.

To say that this period, this transition into adulthood and everything that came with it, has been a struggle and a challenge at times would be a big understatement. And so often, I've been guilty of forgetting, or at the very least overlooking, just how lucky I actually am and how good life actually is. Having this quote on repeat in my mind (and my notebook!) is a great reminder.

Spelling Lessons

One evening last week, my mom and I were in the living room each doing something, and from time to time peeking at the TV, which was on HGTV. At some point, an episode of 'Beyond Spelling Manor' - Candy Spelling's three-part show about the apartment she's renovating for herself - came on. Of course, it was interesting to witness the luxury she's indulging in - an indoor rose garden! - but something else caught our attention even more.

By the end, my mom pointed out to me how Candy always considers everything and anything before accepting or refusing it, and she never says "no" right away. I think that's such a rare find in any person these days, to be so open minded and accepting, that it took me by surprise.

 • The apartment building / Image via Hooked on Houses •

Even more, during the episode in which she looks at New York City apartments, she constantly 'oohs and 'aahs' over things like a soaking tub or what she says is the biggest room - or even drawer! - that she's ever seen. To be honest, I don't know much about Candy Spelling - other than being Tori's mom and having lived in the iconic Spelling Manor - but, from watching the show, I've learned that she was very involved in the entire design and building process of her former home. Considering that, and the fact that she's lived quite a privileged life, I'm convinced that she has, in fact, seen a lot in her life, big rooms and drawers included. To have seen and done so much, and still genuinely delight in the little things, I thought it was something really special and truly admirable - the signs of a curious spirit, and without a doubt the right attitude to have in life.

• Candy's new library / Image via The Hollywood Reporter •

So I want to remember and learn from all this that, no matter where life takes me, I will never have 'seen it all' or 'done it all'. This life and this world will always have so much more to show me and to teach me, as long as I keep my spirit open and curious.