October 4, 2016

On The Rise Again

Here we are at the beginning of October already. I could talk about how I can't believe that this year is already three quarters over and how, with each year, time seems to speed up, but everyone seems to be aware of it by now. Besides, I'm feeling quite happy - in spite of the cooling temperatures - to be here now, and I'm putting as much energy as I can into enjoying the season, the day, and the moment.

September for me was a month of shifting seasons that brought along all kinds of subtle and not-so-subtle changes in my daily routines and life. In our corner of the world, it felt like almost as soon as the clock stroke midnight on September 1st, the temperatures dipped to bring us crisp nights and mornings instead of the constant heat and stifling humidity (which I didn't enjoy nearly as much as this description makes it seem). The autumn equinox brought along even more cool air, to the point where most days now we are in the single digits until the sun gets high up in the sky. I can't say I'm enjoying waking up to a cool house - in fact, it's throwing off the nice morning routine I was just getting into and was so enjoying. At the same time though, it feels like a new beginning, a fresh start. There is a lighter feeling in my heart, along with a newfound sense of purpose and excitement I thought I had completely lost, and I am definitely enjoying that.

Summer, as much as I adore it and mourn its departure every September, wasn't as kind to me this year. It brought to the surface a lot of struggle, plenty of dark days, and all kinds of intense feelings so, this time around, the hot days, the abundance of colours, and the sweet gifts of the season that I look forward to for nine long months were not thoroughly enjoyed, but merely noticed here and there. I am thankful to be turning a new leaf now, both outside and inside, though I will admit to ever so often still wishfully thinking of what these short, glorious months could have been had I been able to fully savour them.

I'm not naive to think that this all happened unexpectedly, and without my playing any role in it. When I decided just over a year ago to be brave and make the choices that I have been making over the last dozen months, I expected hard days ahead. I knew that all the fears, limiting beliefs, and demons that I held inside would come rushing out, and that this time I could no longer make excuses and brush them aside, but rather that I would have to face them. I thought however, that the work I had already done until then would help me through - of course it did - and I couldn't imagine their depth or extent at the time. In hindsight,  I'm glad I didn't because, my goodness, I might not have been so brave, and that would really have been such a shame, because the truth is, despite the crippling fear, doubt, and aloneness I have felt these last few months, I'm happy with where I am right now.

Over the last few weeks, I've felt myself starting to come out on the other side of this stormy wave, and getting stronger than I have been in a long while. I'm once again excited and inspired by my work, and I'm looking forward to (rather than dreading) bringing it out into the world. I've started to find and use tools that help me keep going, that bring the lows a little higher and end them a little sooner, so that I'm enjoying life and most days again, and am doing much better at taking in the beauty of the little things.

This summer wasn't at all what I expected but, looking back, I think it was exactly what I needed. It taught me so many valuable lessons that I hope will help me rise higher than I ever have before, live my purpose, and go after my dreams.

Here's to a wonderful and kind October!

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